https://slama.dev/comeback/
Hi.
Where were you?
At the bank.
And what put you in such a good mood there?
Did you get a calendar and a candy again?
That was my last time there.
You say that every time, but usually you come back red as a lobster, yelling at the whole building.
I must be reliable, because they let me manage my account from home.
So where's this internet thing?
Over there.
So you set up online banking.
You can't stop progress.
So, www our bank dot...
cz.
And he didn't even want a microwave because he was afraid the waves would interfere with the radio.
That was five years ago, I've come a long way since then.
And here it is.
Password.
So what?
That was my last time there.
So you no longer think it can't be trusted?
It's Vokolkova who can't be trusted.
Who's Vokolkova?
That old lady at the counter.
Every time I come in, she laughs out loud.
I suspect she's looking at my balance.
Well she probably has to, when she's processing payments, right?
But she's clearly showing it to the others.
Last time they were all laughing.
I wouldn't laugh.
Let's not risk it.
Alright.
Wow.
And now I can see everything.
Perfectly organized, totally, look.
Electricity, right, gas.
I barely connect to the internet and already some Indians are stealing our money.
I'll get you.
That was a lamp.
Someone's been draining our account for three years.
Four hundred a month.
That's probably some fee.
Like a fee for cancelling a fee.
Nonsense, not seventy crowns.
Where are you going?
Stay home, the family's in crisis.
Father, it's just four hundred.
Just four hundred?
Do you know what you can get for four hundred?
Nineteen and a half small rums.
And what else?
Someone's been systematically taking our money.
I won't stand for this, I'm calling the police.
Dad, please, don't bother over something so stupid.
Fifteen thousand total, that's stupid to you?
Damn, that was me.
It's the money for the adoption.
Ivuska, you had a baby?
Uncle, please, a distance adoption. I adopted an Indian girl.
Right, that makes sense.
What, behind my back?
How else? You'd never let me.
How can you be so sure?
When I was seven, I gave a blind man twenty crowns and you took fifteen back from his hat.
Because I knew you'd want ice cream again.
Seven hundred and fifty beers.
Marcelka, apparently I can set it up so I get a text every time there's activity on the account.
And where do you set that up?
Payment order, standing order, or settings?
Settings.
Right.
This is a whole new world.
Hey, Marcelka, quick.
Now a big blue table appeared and up here there's a little green frame.
Tomas, how can I help you with that when I can't even look?
Don't be upset, I'm sensitive about it.
Vokolkova from the bank can confirm that.
And I also need to cancel the standing payment order.
You can't be serious about that?
Nobody's going to spend family money without consulting the family first.
Uncle, say something.
Well I don't know, Ivuska, but...
Seven hundred twenty beers, that's really a lot.
Ivuska, these charities are one big scam.
To be honest, I recently saw a very serious report about it on TV.
I have photos of her.
We're feeding that elephant too.
Well, they really set you up nicely, girl, I'll give them that.
I have letters from her.
Nice scribbles.
That's Hindi.
Here's the translation.
Tomas, it's a pittance.
You know how much Zoran sends to those farmers in Afghanistan?
Poor souls.
Fields full of poppies and nothing to eat.
And even if it weren't a scam.
What do they need so much money for?
Look, they have a water buffalo.
The buffalo is for the fields.
I'm sending them money so she can quit the fields and go study.
For God's sake, Ivuska.
The girl could have a great life and you're going to shove her into school?
She's not doing that badly.
What, she got a C in Hindi here?
Do you know what a complex language that is?
And maybe they have a different grading system, like in Russia.
A C is a C everywhere.
And she won the Punjabi Songbird.
Maybe she'll make it as a singer.
Yeah.
You can brag about her to your friends.
Yeah.
What?
There's a swear word here.
Of course.
A swear word.
That's her name.
Kundanika?
In Hindi it means golden girl.
I think I know which part means girl.
Ozzak.
For God's sake, Tomas, in India even gods are named like this.
Like Kundalini.
No one will talk like that in my apartment.
So I'm supposed to brag about someone whose name I can't even say.
Well I can.
So I'll just cancel the standing payment order and Marcelka here will tell me how.
So is it cancel standing order or in settings?
I'd like to know what Iva was buying on March 21, 2008 at this shoe store for 520 crowns.
Shoes?
Just wondering.
I can't trust her at all anymore.
She's in hot water with me, she knows it, and she goes out.
Well, she promised salmon for dinner.
She knows I always soften up after salmon.
Wait.
Wait!
There's some seventy crowns here every month.
She has another child somewhere.
No, that's the fee for being exempt from fees.
And you pay that every month?
Yeah.
Tomas, I still don't understand why you're giving Ivuska such a hard time about this.
She starts supporting some poorly studying girl with a vulgar name who might not even exist, with my money?
What's next?
Tomas, what's a pittance to you can change someone else's entire life.
Zoran was in India and said the poverty there is terrible.
When he saw that poor little boy shining his shoes, he almost cried.
And how do I know that some guy isn't getting his shoes shined with my money...
Give her another chance.
I'd also like to know what Iva spent 150 crowns on at the fish shop.
Who would have thought?
Salmon.
It looks like a cow with antlers but tastes like fish.
Daddy, look how sadly she's looking at you.
But we'll call her Dagmar.
How did you choose her?
I was looking for someone like me.
In India?
She's fourteen, her dad is a pain, she wants to leave home ASAP, and her best friend lives in the hut next door with a brother who's supposedly an idiot.
It doesn't say that.
But I'm describing it from here.
In Hindi it translates to "boy who knows a pig."
I see.
And who's this weird guy?
What weird guy?
No, that's her uncle Rahul.
Rahul?
Now that's a name for a man.
But that's a name a decent girl shouldn't have.
Jesus, what's everyone's problem with it?
What do you know about what Sasha means over there?
Maybe it means ass.
Lexa.
Don't worry, maybe over there "ass" means Lexa.
I'd be fine being called Ass.
Ass Bucek.
It's good to have a hook in your name.
Lexa, but your real name is Alexandr.
Come on.
I'll write to her that my best friend's brother also "knows a pig."
So she knows life is tough everywhere.
Ass.
She was first in the Punjabi Songbird.
And she'll improve her Hindi.
And what's her name?
Did Ozzak say something?
No.
So, sirloin, small beer, Ozzak, thirteen hundred.
Don't you think Ozzak's consumption is going up?
What do you mean?
I just have a feeling.
Wait, that could be a problem.
The boss built his entire business plan on Ozzak's consumption.
What's that you've got?
An Ozo-meter.
What?
For all I care, but based on this, he could run a brewery.
Right, here's where Ivuska was born.
Ah, and here he stopped singing in public.
This is the ninety-nine dip, but otherwise perfectly stable.
The boss got a loan based on it.
Damn.
What are you writing?
I'm writing her a letter.
To whom, that girl with the vulgar name?
So Ozzak did say something.
He was bragging and said he'd name his next band after her.
Hey, what does a person have to do to set up an adoption like that?
Don't tell me you want to adopt someone.
I don't know, maybe I'd go for it.
I don't even recognize you.
Actually, I find it interesting that someone sends money for a child they'll never see.
Isn't that called alimony?
Explain that to my ex.
Greetings.
So far I can only do stamps and gluing.
I haven't gotten to the greeting yet.
I see you're writing to Dagmar.
Do you know how to say investment savings?
I'm writing to her about my online banking.
No, but I know how to say miser.
I'm writing to her about the same thing.
Yeah, right.
I've got it somewhat prepared.
Listen.
Dear girl, greetings from your adoptive grandpa.
You should know that we don't exactly live in luxury either.
I don't want to compare cultivating rice paddies with selling audio media.
Both certainly have their bright and dark sides.
Yeah, what's the bright side of cultivating fields?
Pirates don't steal your rice and put it on the internet for free.
We too turn every rupee in our hand three times.
Dad.
What?
In the end she'll think we're millionaires and want more.
She'll tell her friends, you know how many of them there are.
Hi, this is Iva from Prague.
I'm thinking our lives aren't that different, except for the water buffalo and your eleven sisters.
She has eleven sisters?
Well, they're called...
I don't want to hear it.
My best friend's brother also "knows a pig."
And my father also sometimes "knows a pig."
Wait, I don't understand that.
That's just between us girls.
Continue.
Your uncle Rahul is a nice guy.
Your dad shouldn't hassle him just because he hangs out by the monkey and chews betel.
I sorted through some clothes at home.
They're not exactly in style anymore, but maybe Dagmar can pull it off.
What?
Dagmar wants to graduate, not be a laughingstock.
Ivuska.
The eighties reached India just last year, so over there it's practically new.
If you want to send something to that Indian girl with the dirty name.
Bro, Indians live in America.
Right, Indians in America.
Send this too.
But uncle, they don't drink beer in India.
Exactly.
I'll be like those who brought potatoes to America.
To the Americans.
Well that's nice of you, cutting back like that.
See?
I'll have to eat and drink carefully.
But what wouldn't I do for the thirsty.
She's fourteen and she already has a C in Hindi.
Maybe she'll sing better.
And anyway, we could go to India.
I wrote her a letter too, but it's sealed, so nobody can read it.
You're offering her three kilos if she writes that she started dating her best friend's brother and it was the best decision of her life?
That kid's a stud.
A regular Casanova.
Casanova.
It's been almost a month and she still hasn't written back.
I think it's a scam.
Absolutely not, then you couldn't trust anyone.
Look at this.
See that elephant?
I think it's African.
What if it's photoshopped?
You'd know.
I have an eye for it.
Really?
Then maybe I could confide in you.
Look, this is Sasha in front of the Chanov housing estate.
Looks legit.
That's botched, like Lexa did it.
I've got it.
And it's translated.
So.
Dear Ivo, thank you for the nice letter and photos, but most of all for the gifts.
The elephant Akesha needed a new bed, so any old rags will do.
And the ginger drink I gave to Uncle Rahul.
He said it's an interesting pastime and he'll send you something too.
As soon as he finds the courage to cut back.
You have a nice family.
I especially like the kind dervish who lives with you.
I think about him often.
I just want to ask that you don't call me by that awful name.
Where we live, only uncle uses that word when the buffalo butts him.
What's wrong with the name Dagmar?
I must go.
Since our water buffalo got sick, we plow even at night.
Things are really bad for us now.
Dad even used the money he was saving for my dowry on medicine for it.
Which is terrible, because everyone already says I'm an old maid.
Hi, your Kund...
Enough!
Someone's thinking about me.
Father, we should send them more money.
That must be Simona.
I don't know, Ivuska.
What if this whole thing is a setup?
She probably already poured me a beer.
So you really weren't thinking about me?
Sorry, in my free time I try to think about something nice.
Damn.
Ozzak, we're out of beer.
What?
Got you, right?
I always say, a good scare is the best cure for hiccups.
Simona, scare, not kill.
Well then, also drink a liter of water.
I said not kill.
There's no point anymore.
I'm going home.
Greetings, Mr. Ozzak.
Hey, Sasha.
Hi, Ivo.
And Ozzak has hiccups and can barely talk.
I know a great cure for hiccups, but you have to cull the whole herd.
Lexa, that's foot-and-mouth disease.
Right.
I already know who's behind this.
So, Kundanika.
Dagmar.
Don't be vulgar.
She's thinking about me.
Bull.
That's nonsense.
It's not, bro.
I asked everyone who might be thinking about me and Simona said no.
You have to write to her.
To make her stop.
That'll be hard when her dad is sitting on the money over there.
Ivuska, don't talk about me like that.
The girl plows day and night.
Their buffalo is dying, and you're hoarding a lousy four hundred.
You have to write to her.
Or I'll die.
Well yeah, until dad pays for last month, the charity won't deliver any letters.
Mr. Pacovsky, here are your baguettes and I'm running for the bus.
It takes at least three hours to get to Chanov.
The Ozo-meter is dropping.
I'll probably have to set up a pub.
Then every rupee will count.
Fine, alright then.
Well look at that, I thought it was a bank statement.
It's not.
Right, ok, thanks Marcelka.
So I'll enter the payment order.
Right.
No, account number.
Damn, why are the letters so small?
You can enlarge it here.
Respect the privacy zone.
So four, zero, zero.
Sorry.
There, I'm done for today, right here.
Zero, zero hellers.
Careful not to send fifty extra.
Send or cancel?
Send.
Ha, ha, ha.
There, happy.
Plowing a field would've been easier.
And look, it works.
Right, here it is, yes.
Account number, one thousand.
Oh God, I just sent forty thousand.
They robbed me!
Pacovsky, please, I have this problem, I...
Hello, Pacovsky, I'd like...
Hello, is there anyone alive, please?
What?
Oh, you're alive?
You are, right?
Great, please, Pacovsky here, I have a problem with your online banking.
You see, I sent more money than I wanted to.
Forty thousand, yes.
No, don't look at my account.
Just stop it somehow.
Right, you can't do anything else, huh?
Fine, fine, go ahead and look, but don't show anyone.
God protect you.
What do you mean it can't be stopped?
Put me through to Mrs. Vokolkova.
You know, that nice lady who's always laughing.
She always helps me out.
What?
"Thank you for your time" too?
Dad, calm down.
If there's not enough money in there, it won't send anyway.
Dad?
Oh dear, oh dear.
Hi, I was at the bank.
I thought the last time was the last time.
This time it really is the last.
They closed our branch.
They fired Vokolkova and all the others.
They were looking at people's accounts.
Now they'll be the ones laughing.
Please, this came from India, you better open it, I might cry.
They need it more than us.
And I'll give out of love.
What, is she at least sending rice?
No, it's betel.
For Uncle Ozzak.
From Rahul.
For God's sake, what is betel?
Betel, I know that.
Metla brought two sacks of it once.
We chewed it all through ninety-nine.
Well that's just great.
Forty thousand for a handful of nuts.
With that they'll cure the buffalo.
And they cured our uncle?
And they're not Indians.
I have a feeling the money arrived.
Maybe they'll be ungrateful and forget about us soon.
Uncle, don't you want to go to the pub?
Yeah, well, keep asking.
I'm not going.